Day 115 of 365
I’m still riding my bike. I still love it. I’ve finally gotten over most of the soreness, though we did a big ride today in the city forest, and I’m a bit sore. I have been thinking a lot about why I love riding this bike so much, and I think I figured it out. I think, when I am on my bike, I am in the moment.
Living in the moment is a big struggle to me. In fact, I almost never live in the moment. I have tried and tried to train myself. I don’t want to be this way–always in my head worrying about the future or fretting about something in the past. I really want to live in the moment much more, but I have not had good success with strategies I have tried. I have tried meditation, and it helped some; still, my habits are deeply, deeply ingrained. I don’t know for sure, but I often wonder if my habits stem from some childhood trauma. Maybe it was necessary for me to not live in the moment???
Whatever the reason, my inability to live in the moment has become pretty exhausting to me in my life, and there are very few things that help me. Music helps me. Hard homestead work helps me. I am surprised by how much bike riding helps me.
I told Ron I think part of it is that the bike riding forces me to live in the moment because it’s so hard for me. We have mountain bikes and do trails with roots and rocks and all kinds of bumps. I am so low skilled at bike riding, and a good bit of the time on my bike, I am focusing on staying alive. Ron is adept at his bike. He rides it like a kid. Me, not so much. I have to work pretty hard on hills and tough trails to stay steady. This sounds like it would be terrible, but it’s not so much. It’s so great to NOT be in my head, and I’m getting a little better at riding, which helps.
And, then, there’s the downhill or the flat roads–and the nature. When the ride is smooth and I can look around, I love being on the bike. In the city forest, the trees are beautiful, and right now, it’s just almost fall. You can feel it in the air. The light is different. Seeing that light as the trees fly by is so joyful to me. And speaking of joy, downhill is the best (I mean, as long as it’s not too steep). When I am flying down a hill and the wind is in my face, I am reminded of the joy I felt when I was a little kid and first learned how to ride my bike and go fast down the hills.
For someone who really struggles to live in the moment, I am so thankful for this kind of joy. I had no idea it could come from riding a bike.