Good night, Rooster. Good night, Dvorak. Good night, girls.

Day 302 of 365

Tonight, I went to get my boots before I tucked in the ducks when I accidentally ran into Ron at the front door. We are both home pretty much all day and will go hours without seeing each other. We both stay pretty busy around here. But I ran into him, and he said he wanted to tell me a story.

He said, tonight, as he put up the food and water and closed up the chickens, he said, “Good night, Rooster. Good night, Dvorak. Good night, girls.” He said he says this to them every single night, and he thought tonight that it’s going to be so very sad when Rooster is not there to say good night to. Rooster has certainly been a fixture around here for seven years.

He said he started to feel really sad about losing Rooster but then realized just knowing this is the cycle somehow has to have soften the blow and make the grief more bearable. This seemed so wise to me.

I have definitely learned a lot about death from living on a little farm. It has forced me to think deeply about my own death and how I feel about it. It has also forced me to come to terms with grief. I am such a deep feeler that grief can be a little panic inducing to me, but I am learning. I am learning that my experiences with grief are a part of what makes me who I am, how I grow as a human, and how I honor the amazing souls I get to know on our little homestead.

A long time ago, I read an article about a woman who lived somewhere in Europe, I think, on a farm. She provided end-of-life care to old, abandoned, or injured farm animals. At the time, when I read that article, I admired the woman so deeply for doing that for these wonderful animals, for giving them love and care at the ends of their lives. I wished to do something so noble with my life, but I also wondered how in the world her heart could handle that much grief.

I think I am starting to understand. I think going through the cycles of life so much on our homestead has made me have a better understanding of the cycles of life. Maybe. I hope.