Using My Time

Day 183 of 365

I’ve been working on a real essay for the blog, one related to time and money and Thoreau. Ironically, I’ve been working on it a week but haven’t had time to finish it. Today, I have made it over half way through my goal of blogging each and every day for 365 days. I wanted to share a real essay for this milestone. Instead, I’ll just share a tidbit about what has been going on. Ron and I have been having deep discussions about time.

It is hard to work full time, homestead, be a mom, sort-of run a journal, be a chicken lady, be a cello mom, sort-of be a writer. I’m flailing around of late, like a lot. I’ve been very stressed and very unhappy. I’ve had very little time for the chickens. I haven’t been able to sit and listen to my son practice his cello for nearly two weeks. Historically, I try to listen for at least some of every practice. It’s good for my soul, and it’s a great time to hang out with my son. And I would really like a little more time to spend with Bairre while he’s a baby. He’s growing so quickly.

Last night, I had the meltdown, the one that comes when you’ve gone too long trying to do too much. Ron, who is a bit older than me (and I won’t say how old he is because he might get mad at me), said that he thinks heavily about how much time he has left to spend in his life. He said he wants to spend time with me, more time, and this made me think deeply all day about what I want for my life too. I miss having tea with him in the mornings.

We talked more tonight while our son was in orchestra rehearsal about what we want from life with what time we have left. I don’t think I’ve ever thought so much about this, but it seems like the most important thing in the world to be thinking about. It has not been lost on me that the writer I modeled this 365-day writing challenge after, Julie Powell, died of cardiac arrest in her home last week. She was 49. I loved her work on the Julie and Julia project.

Anyway, I am doing some big life re-evaluation right now. It’s hard stuff, isn’t it?