I hate this part…

~ Crystal Sands ~ 4 Comments

Our ducks turned seven this May, and I knew this would be coming, that we would start to lose them. Still, I hate this part more than I can say.

Four nights ago, one of the hens didn’t come for the nightly bowl of peas and the duck game. I knew that was a bad sign, and when I went to pick her up, she was so thin.

I examined her and saw she had a minor bumble on a toe, so I wrapped it but had a very bad feeling. I put her back outside and decided the next morning to bring her in the house to examine her more thoroughly.

I don’t for sure which duck she is. I know Anna Sophia and Luna because they lived in the house for some months, but I can’t tell the other two ducks apart. Of course, there’s Anna Maria, our blind duck, but she is a chocolate runner. The two remaining fawn runners look a lot alike. This duck is either Carmen or Isabella. Those are the other two left.

I brought her into the guest bathroom where I have soaked and bandaged and treated and healed many things over the last seven years with our ducks. She had definitely been in the house before because she wanted in the tub. I took the bandage off of her toe and ran some cool water for her. I put her in the tub and got her all the favorite treats of ducks, and she wasn’t having any of them. I sat with her a bit, and then I saw it.

She pooped in the water a poop that I have seen before. It’s the poop of ovarian cancer. I saw it with Poe, with Broody Hen. I read about it online. I broke down because I knew, for sure, this duck was about to die.

She still had some strength and acted like she wanted to go back outside with her people when they would quack, so I decided to let her stay outside until she just couldn’t.

This is my little duck tonight. I am going to miss her.

Tonight, I decided she just couldn’t.

I have been checking on her many times a day the last couple of days, but today, I just couldn’t find her. In between meetings at work, I would look and never found her. I figured she was probably going off alone to die.

I finally found her in the corner of the turkey house, and tonight after dinner, I decided to scoop her up, bring her in, and go into hospice care.

I really, really hate this part.

She leaned into me so hard when I picked her up. I made up a bin for her with fresh straw and put a bowl of water and peas in for her. I know she won’t eat the peas, but I have been giving her peas every single night of her life for seven years. I wanted her to at least have them.

And then I remembered that ducks love cello. I found a piece my son played, a meditation on Tom Petty’s “Wild Flowers,” and I played it for her on my phone. It is has that beautiful, deep cello sound, so I knew she would love it. She did. She watched the video and just closed her eyes to relax. It was the best final gift I could give her.

I cried the gross kind of cry and held the phone for her, so she could listen to it twice. I kissed her goodnight and told her goodbye in case she passes tonight. I hope she passes tonight. Please say a little prayer that she passes tonight. She has had a good, very long life. I know this. I wish for her passing to be easy.

Also, Tuesday, Ruby’s daughter, is gone again. I think it’s been nearly two weeks since she’s been gone. I have looked and looked. She went off broody, as she has done before.

I deeply understand there is nothing I can do about her at this point. She has either passed or will come home in a few weeks with babies. I know the odds are that she will never come home. I hate writing that sentence.

There is much heartbreak to this life. Sometimes, I am not sure I am cut out for it.

Still here…

~ Crystal Sands ~ 3 Comments

It has been nearly a moon since I have written. Though I am full of stories to tell, it has been a busy summer. Summers are always busy, but I am moving far more slowly than I used to. I promised myself that I would finish the summer issue of the journal before I did anything else Farmer-ish. I am so happy to report that I finally finished the Summer 2025 issue.

Whew!

I can’t tell all my stories tonight–and I have so many turkey stories–but I wanted to share tidbits of stories and just let you know I am still here.

I’ll start with the turkeys. The turkeys are getting so big. And I am still in love with them. The cutest part is that Ron is in love with them too. In fact, I think he loves them more. I think it is also safe to say that we are not going to have turkey this Thanksgiving.

The chickens are hanging in there despite the heat. I thought we were surely going to lose Rooster a couple of weeks ago. He is so frail, but he seems to love life so much that he is hanging on. Circe, Vivaldi, and Penelope are all broody, but I am not letting them raise any babies. I am still trying to naturally downsize our flock. I miss babies though, and Clara has been broody most of the summer. She’s taking a break right now, but she has been broody since late May. I have fallen in love with her because she’s so sweet. If she goes broody next year, I am going to her hatch some eggs.

It’s raspberry season right now, and we have an abundance. I am t thankful. We had no strawberries this year and had to travel afar to find organic strawberries and we barely managed to get some. The demand for organic strawberries is very, very high apparently. I hope we get strawberries next year, and I am of the mind that we should plant more berries and open an organic u-pick. Anyway, I am glad the raspberries are being generous.

So far, we have had greens, broccoli, cauliflower, radishes, and kohlrabi from the garden. We eat from the garden every single night, and I am thankful because buying organic food at the grocery store seems to be running me about $75 per grocery bag right now. That’s wild, right? Still, it seems it’s just going to get worse.

Boudica is doing well and has been working hard. Bairre has been enjoying the window-unit air conditioners Ron installed. Sometimes, he goes outside but only for a few minutes. Today, I actually timed him. He was outside for three minutes before he was at the door demanding to be let back in.

I got a new job. I will write more about that later, but I am kind of hopeful that I might actually have more time to spend on Farmer-ish very soon. I hope so. I have missed it, and it was so much fun finishing up the summer issue of the journal.

I was also in a car accident yesterday. Thankfully, it wasn’t terrible, but I am in some pain. Just lots of soreness. Also, thankfully, it wasn’t my fault. It’s going to be a giant pain getting my car fixed though.

I hope you are all doing well. I promise some fantastic turkey stories soon. I have no words for how shocked I am at the magnificence of these birds!

Happy Summer Solstice

~ Crystal Sands ~ Leave a comment

It’s the longest day today, and interestingly, it comes at the end of the longest week.

I am behind on the journal’s Summer Solstice issue, but I have decided to give myself some grace. It will get done. This week, my son had music camp, and tonight, on the Solstice, I got to listen to amazing children playing beautiful music. It was a little bit of heaven, but it has been a really busy week.

We were away from the homestead for many hours today, and my little turkeys are getting bigger but still babies, especially in their hearts,. I was worried about being away all day. It was pretty late when we made it home, but I forgot it was the longest day. It was still daylight, and all my turkeys were safe.

When I went out later to put the ducks to bed after dark, I got the best Summer Solstice gift. The fireflies were epic! I have never seen them so magnificent.

I did my best to record them. You can kind of get a sense of the magic here. Aren’t they sparkly?

Tonight, I got to experience my favorite parts of being alive and a human–music and nature. My son has become a pretty amazing cellist. It’s really a joy to watch him work. Then, I got this gift of the fireflies.

I have to try to soak this up. Life is short. I hope, on this shortest night, you are soaking up your favorite things.

Happy Solstice, friends!

Ruby and the Dragonfly

~ Crystal Sands ~ 1 Comment

This morning, while I was doing morning chores, I had just finished up moving the turkeys to their outdoor space and was walking toward the main gate when I saw my first dragonfly of the year. It was beautiful.

I love dragonflies. First of all, they eat mosquitoes, and the mosquitoes have been epic this year. Second of all, they are beautiful creatures.

The one I saw this morning was black and silver and was so bright and shiny this sunny morning. It looked much like this one in the photograph. The dragonfly was dancing around my legs as I walked toward the gate, and it was such a treat for a weary soul. It just sparkled, and I felt like it was saying hello to me.

It followed me to the gate, and when I stopped to close the gate, I noticed it was headed toward the trees out front. I said goodbye in my mind, thankful for the moment to appreciate nature’s beauty.

Then, because she is always out and about and not in the chicken yard, Ruby appeared. In a flash, she had grabbed the dragonfly from its path and ate it. Just like that.

I looked at her. She looked at me.

“What?” she asked.

photo credit: Christophe Repiso, Unsplash

The Misfits (or the Beautiful Diversity in Nature)

~ Crystal Sands ~ 6 Comments

I have a carton of eggs that I keep in the refrigerator just for us. I labeled the carton “The Misfits.” These are the eggs that come out very small or unusually large or with a strange shape or maybe they are a pale color and the poop stains the shell even after I wash them. I have often thought about how much I love these “misfits.”

They are not the perfect eggs from our flock in dark brown or light cream or blue-green with a beautiful shape, so I don’t put them in the egg cartons that I sell to our egg customers. I have the idea that people wouldn’t want to pay for the “misfits” because they are not perfectly-shaped like the ones in the grocery store. They are so beautiful to me, but I have always loved the misfits.

But lately I have been thinking about how the perfect eggs are a big lie. They are simply a lie told to us by a food system that keeps us detached from the reality of our food and where it comes from. And I feel that lie is a part of an even bigger lie about the uniformity of nature. It’s one Americans have told themselves so powerfully and so often that we can’t see the beauty in the diversity in the nature we are a part of.

Nature is beautiful in its diversity. Not all eggs are perfectly egg shaped. From our flock, we get round eggs, pointy eggs, skinny eggs, and we have one hen who just lays the tiniest little egg all the time. Sometimes, there are big eggs with double yolks. A couple of times we had an egg with a shell inside of an egg. It’s all fantastic and interesting. The egg companies take their “misfits” and use them in other products, so people who only get eggs in the grocery store never get to see the beauty in all that diversity. Oh, we miss so much!

When I researched to see what the egg companies did with their oddly-shaped eggs, I read that some people are scared to eat eggs that are oddly shaped. It’s so interesting to me that we are scared of what is different. I guess I can see a human needing to be wary of anything different, as you wouldn’t want to eat a bad egg, but we definitely need education because it’s not necessary to fear something just because it is different.

With all this in my mind, I decided last week to put some of my misfits into the egg cartons for the egg customers. It was just a couple of eggs in the 18 pack but hopefully enough to remind the wonderful humans who buy our eggs that not all eggs are the same size and shape. Goodness comes in all shapes, sizes, and colors.

Eggs are everything, are they not?

Turkey Time and Other Updates

~ Crystal Sands ~ 5 Comments

It’s been a little chaotic on our little homestead the past few weeks. It is mostly related to my turkeys. I don’t know if all turkeys are like this, but my turkeys are mama’s babies and demand a lot of time and attention. They are magnificent and beautiful and so smart, but they are also a challenge. I spend a good bit of time every day having “turkey time.”

They are big enough to spend time outside during the day, outside of their brooder, but they don’t want to be out there by themselves. So I have to sit out there with them for hours. I have much work to do, so I usually sit on a tree stump and grade papers while the turkeys fly around and do their turkey thing. Sometimes, they fly on my head. Sometimes, they get into my lap. Mostly, they just run around and scratch and eat bugs, but as soon as I try to leave, they run after me and then sit at the fence and cry. And cry. And then cry some more.

Ron cannot hear it. It’s too high pitched for his old ears, but mine are not old enough yet, which means I hear it all, feel like a terrible turkey mama,, which I totally am, and then head back outside with my laptop and sit on the hard tree stump to do my work. My tailbone is very sore.

I put them to bed early tonight. My son said, “You’re putting them to bed? It’s only 6:30!”

I said, “Shh. Don’t tell them what time it is.”

And I put them back in the brooder box and told them mama was getting some alone time.

So I get to write this evening.

I hope you are all doing well. There is so much going on. I’m worried about our food supply without proper safety inspections. Are any of you worried about this as well? We grow a lot of our food, but I still rely on the grocery store for quite a few things. I hate the thought of our food getting less safe. I mean, it’s already not great.

Ron and I are keeping up with things but just barely. Poor Ron is still planting and being bitten by black flies, but I think he’s nearing the end. He’s moving the tomatoes from the planters he started the seeds in to the garden today. When he gets to the tomatoes and peppers, he’s getting close to done. I hope he can rest a little. He’s tired too. We both have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning.

I made the first round of rhubarb jelly, and I took pictures of the process so I can share the recipe with you. The jelly is already almost gone because we all love it. It’s beautiful jelly.

I will share my pictures and recipe tomorrow–if my turkeys will allow it.

After the Rain

~ Crystal Sands ~ 1 Comment

Spring is keeping us busy. Ron is planting. I am raising baby turkeys, pruning fruit trees, and keeping a young cellist on track with a very busy May schedule. I have found that December and May are the two busiest months in my son’s musician life, but I think Mays are the busiest. It’s a very good busy, though. All of these performances are giving him such good experiences, and of course, even though I am constantly planning travel, food, water, and wardrobe, I am rewarded for my efforts with beautiful music. It has been a good spring.

Last week, it was a bit hot, and I am thankful that it cooled down. Yesterday it rained. It has been a pretty wet spring, which means tons of black flies and mosquitos (it has been one of the worst years I have ever seen for the black flies), but the garden is very, very happy. So far, Ron has planted peas, potatoes, lettuce, onions, spinach, beets, kohlrabi, and he has all the tomatoes, peppers, and melons started in the house. He has been so busy. I have felt badly for him planting out amongst those epic black flies. I am covered in bites just from my limited time pruning trees and such. I don’t even know how he stands to stay out there some days, but stand it he does.

And the garden is looking beautiful.

And speaking of beautiful, yesterday, after the rain, I got some great pictures of the fruit trees and of Ruby. By the way, we let the ducks come over and hang out with the chickens last week, but the ducks kind of bullied the chickens–except Ruby. I was talking over the fence with my neighbor when I heard a commotion. I looked over, and Ruby had had enough with being bullied. She was throwing down with the ducks!

Before I could get there, she had won, and the ducks moved on. I have no words for how much I admire that hen.

Here are some lovely photos from after the rain yesterday.

pear blossoms
Ruby under pear blossoms, being magnificent
Anna Maria in the front
cherry blossoms
apple blossoms

Just this sweet little turkey…

~ Crystal Sands ~ Leave a comment

I now have eight little turkeys to mother. The other nine are with fantastic parents. I will write more about this journey so far later in the week, but I just had to write quickly tonight because we had our first field trip outside today. I hope to have the video to share soon, but I do have this picture. This one is a girl, I am pretty sure–at least I hope–because she’s the biggest mama’s baby. She comes up to me when everyone else is playing and just wants to be held. She’s working hard in this picture. I think she got a bug!

Oh, my heart. I needed some babies. I haven’t had time to read the news in two days.

Fifty trips around the sun

~ Crystal Sands ~ 4 Comments

Yesterday was my birthday, but I learned from a dear astrologer friend that my actual birthday, according to official trips around the sun from the moment I was born was May 8 at 7:12 PM Eastern Time. This helped me not take yesterday so personally because I had the worst birthday I can remember. It was so bad, by last night, when I was blowing at the candles on the birthday cake that Ron, Ronan, and I made together throughout the day, I was afraid I was going to catch my hair on fire!

Thankfully, I didn’t. I lived and am here to live and love another day. I had hoped to write something profound and beautiful in the blog for my birthday. Something hopeful in dark times. Something about the perspective I have gained after fifty years of living on this planet amongst people, the other animals, the trees, the bees, and so on. But I could only just kind of hang on for dear life and try to get through.

And, somehow, right now, maybe that’s all some of us can do.

I won’t go into details, but the day started with Ron being a bear, me being mad that he was being a bear on my birthday, and then it ended with me injuring myself pretty significantly with the mixer while I tried to make the frosting for my own birthday cake. Along the way, there were strange encounters, bad news about one of my jobs, Boudica actually got outside of our fence when our neighbor accidentally didn’t close the gate, and I spoke to my father for the first time in a year. His life has fallen completely apart in the last few months, and my heart breaks for him, even though we are not close at all.

I’m so glad my birthday is over. There were bright spots. I got to have lunch with my wonderful daughter, and Ron and Ronan and Boudica (Boudica sings) all sang happy birthday to me late at night with a beautiful homemade cake with strawberry frosting, but mostly, I was feeling pretty worried about safety by the end of the day. I kept dropping things, falling, and, of course, the big injury with the mixer. Thankfully, no bones were broken, and I ended the day with only a broken heart.

Ultimately, the day felt like a good lesson for me. Times can be really tough and maybe a little scary, but we have to keep trying, keep hoping, and keep loving those around us.

Oh, and I have a turkey update! Somehow, 17 of the 19 hatched. They are magnificent, so beautiful, and so difficult. The bad news is that the news about my job cut means we can’t keep all of them, but I reached out to the smartest, kindest chicken lady I know. She and her husband are going to take some baby turkeys. I deliver them tomorrow, and I am so excited to see her farm.

The waiting is the hardest part…

~ Crystal Sands ~ 1 Comment

I haven’t written much about it because I am too nervous, but I have 19 turkey eggs in the incubator right now. I have read that turkey eggs can be trickier than chicken eggs, and I have read that caring for turkey babies can be a lot trickier than caring for chickens. I have been reading and reading, scared to death I am going to hatch these turkeys and they are going to die. I read they can literally starve to death with food right there with them. I have read you have to check their crops every day between days 3 and 10 to make sure they are getting enough to eat. I have read you have to put something shiny, like a marble, in the waterer to encourage them to drink. Apparently, they will be curious about the a shiny marble, and it will get them to drink.

When we started this venture, I had not read enough about how hard it was going to be to raise turkeys, so I haven’t written much about it. I have been terrified I am going to accidentally kill those babies. However, I am starting to worry that I have done something wrong during incubation, and those babies are never going to hatch anyway.

Today is day 28. They were supposed to hatch today. And I am used to baby chicks who are supposed to hatch on day 21 but will sometimes hatch as early as day 19. Baby chicks are anxious and energetic. I don’t know what to expect with these turkeys, but I can see they might be a little too chill.

Of course, maybe I did something wrong. I candled twice, and things looked good. I started with 22 hatching eggs. On day 10, I candled, and all 22 had potential. On day 24, I removed the egg turner and candled again. I had 19 that looked promising. I could see movement in some, and they were all quite full. But here I am on day 28, and all I have is one pip. And it’s barely a pip.

I am trying to be patient. I read that is not uncommon for them to wait until the end of day 28 or even day 29, but if I don’t have any baby turkeys by tomorrow night, clearly something has gone wrong.

In the meantime, I wait. And the waiting is certainly the hardest part.

I have been talking to the eggs some today. I definitely heard a peep or two, but not much. When I am doing chicken eggs, those eggs will just cheep and cheep so loudly in the last day.

I decided, however, I am going to try something. I found a YouTube video of a mama turkey talking to her babies. I am about to go play it for my turkey eggs. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Cross your fingers for me! And if you have any experience with turkeys, please share any advice you can. I am going to need it. I mean, hopefully!

photo credit: Dylan Crawford, Unsplash